February is the month to celebrate all things LOVE! On Valentine’s Day, February 14th, many couples take this day to express their love for each other.
During an interview on the “Unlock Your Wealth TV & Podcast” with host Heather Wagenhals, I discuss common conflicts over cash between couples and how to overcome them. I also explain my upcoming book “4 Financial Languages” and how knowing them can propel you forward in all areas of your life.
Black Enterprise Sr, VP & Editor-at-large and host of The Urban Business Roundtable, Alfred Edmond, Jr interviews Madam Money on his new podcast "Money Matters." Listen to how to Guard…
Financial domination is a specific fetish in which a submissive (typically a man, called a pay pig or cash slave) allows a dominant (or findomme – typically a woman) to control all aspects of their submissive partner’s financial life. This rarely discussed fetish is a facet of BDSM in which money is the focal point of the relationship.
This can go as far as giving access to bank accounts, restricting spending, and managing savings. In this case, the findomme manages the spending of their cash slave. The cash slave may even have to report to his master on their spending and ask for permission to make certain purchases. He gets off on being dominated by – and beholden to – someone else.
What is a Findomme?
The Urban Dictionary defines a findomme as a “gorgeous sexy lady that takes over men’s finances,” though that’s not always the case. This kind of relationship typically involves some sort of humiliation, teasing, and – of course – a heavy dose of domination.
Why Become a Cash Slave?
You may wonder what would propel a man to open his wallet. What makes him enjoy giving his money freely to a woman while being humiliated?
“Though a financial domination fetish is sexual in nature, it has very little to do with sex.” – Click To Tweet
I spoke with QueenFaeV, a Europe-based financial dominatrix who has been involved with financial domination on and off for over 10 years. “Financial domination is the subversion of the traditional financial power dynamic inherent in the standard western view of male-female relations,” she says. “What subs find arousing does not mesh well with a popular conception of sexuality – because findom (financial domination) isn’t about sex and not really about the money. It is the switch in the traditional role. It is about power, and most of all about giving control to a dominant woman.”
She notes that many of these men have high-stress jobs, often managing the finances of others or those of their businesses. So the idea of letting go – of giving someone else access to their money and trusting them to manage it – is alluring. It’s about losing control.
As you can imagine, a financial domination fetish is expensive and involves a lot of spending. Pay pigs get off on the fact that they’re spending a good chunk of their money, teetering on the edge of what is responsible and what isn’t.
Love and money, the two things you can’t live without (well, that and pizza). Ameriprise Financial (AMP) just released a brand new survey about couples’ spending habits, how they jive when it comes to financials and what you and your significant other can do now to make the money situation a little greener.
“One surprising thing that we found is that couples talk about money a lot” Marcy Keckler, VP of Financial Planning and Advice Strategy at Ameriprise, told FOXBusiness.com.
Financial discussions take place “more than world events, more than politics!” she adds.
The study showed that 77% percent of couples feel that they are on the same page when it comes to finances and that the 33% who don’t, tend to argue at least once a month.
But it’s not all bad. Of those who tend to disagree, 82% say they can eventually work out their differences.
“Couples do agree on a spending limit; the average was $400 but that varied by generation” adds Keckler.
The spending limit of a Millennial shopper who made a purchase without talking to their partner was around $250-$300, whereas baby boomers spent roughly $500. Not to mention, 5% of respondents said they were hiding a secret bank account from their partner!
When it comes to retirement, the study showed 23% of the couples felt that they weren’t on the same page or just not sure if they were prepared to retire.
So what can couples do to sync up?
“One money strategy that can make sense for couples is a three-account approach,” says Keckler.
An “ours, yours and mine” arrangement allows couples to have a joint account for shared expenses as well as separate accounts to have some financial independence and still be able to surprise one another.
However, when you and your partner spend, be sure to invest responsibly and speak to an expert!
I was so excited to meet you that I had to have you! But, I think we rushed into our commitment. Instead of being patient and learning more about you, I fell in love with what you I could acquire with you without realizing the cost of our relationship. So, our financial one-night stand turned into a long-term financially abusive relationship.
You didn’t change … I did.
I was surprised when your “giving” demeanor changed into “Debt,” the “Taker.” But, that is just a part of your personality.
Now that I am wiser, I realize that our relationship is financially and emotionally unhealthy. For example, when I started having financial problems, you were relentless in your demand of my money, time and emotions to satisfy you.
It’s not you … It’s me.
Credit, you are who you are. And because I was financially promiscuous and did not use financial contraception (a budget) with you, I wound up with Financial STDs (Substantially Tremendous Debt). That financial dis-ease not only infected and affected me, it infected and affected everyone around me, especially my family. I took time away from my family to work to make enough money to relieve the financial hardship I was in with you. I have just decided to make the changes required to have a better financial life for my family and me.
I’m in love with another.
I can’t go on treating the one I love like a financial side-piece. Even though you think that you are the center of my universe, I will no longer work and live my life enslaved by you. I’m actually in love with Money and he’s been helping me get a handle on stabilizing the financial roller-coaster I’ve been riding on with you.
You’re not bad.
Credit, you are not Bad. You are actually a good business partner and friend. I just got consumed with you and became overwhelmed when you turned into your alter ego, Debt.
Let’s just be friends.
Credit, I don’t want to lose you, but our current relationship is financially abusive. I do believe that there are some awesome opportunities for us to partner in the near future. But, this time, I am better prepared to handle this partnership.
Thank you for being there for me.
I do appreciate everything you helped me to acquire. It was indeed a learning experience. Now that I know better, I look forward to having a more productive and profitable relationship with you as “friends.”
Tarra “Madam Money” Jackson is a financial educator, international speaker, author, and wealth empowerment strategist helping you heal, build, and grow your wealth.
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